This post is probably one of the last post that I would ever want to share w/ anyone. It isn’t a success from one perspective and when I tell you about it, I will seem like a total failure, but that is what realm I was in at the time, kind of.
So, what happened and why did it take me over a month to come to you guys, I will tell you why.
Back in October, before my daughter’s birthday, I had decided that I was going to write an ebook related to the Importance of a Shopping Guide.
As soon as I began the book, I had high hopes that all would be well as things had worked out before, plus, I had been working, and put in the information to receive assistance. I was for sure that one or the other would come through in time for her birthday, but neither did. I was so discouraged and it was the 1st blow to me almost going completely insane.
My phone was turned off, I had my water bill money & a extra $9. I was devastated. I didn’t see how I was going to get us food, yet alone throw my daughter a birthday party. From my natural eyes, all hope was lost.
I had been waiting for over 2 weeks for a check but they had no intentions of paying me, & my first check wasn’t cashable because it was only $4.62 for a 30min. training call.
Pride was the least of my worries because my boat was sinking fast.
The office granted me an extension to pay my water bill, so I could have something. I took my daughter out to eat, her meal was free & my son and I got puppy sundaes. I really didn’t feel like celebrating, but it wasn’t my day.
I threw her a very small birthday party that probably cost me no more than $6 to $8. Family stopped by to give her gifts even though none of it was planned. It seemed like a gleam of hope & I had confidence in Monday being an absolute turn around.
I had started the shopping guide. Put in some key points of not to worry about what you already have but to put your faith in what will come. Every word that came out my mouth was tested.
Monday came & I wasn’t going to get any assistances & my paycheck was out of sight. No one would help me w/ my phone bill & I couldn’t even get a ride to the store. I felt like a hypocrite because my faith had faded. My word wasn’t strong enough & it was the very reason why I didn’t want to share any of this with you, but there has been a pull on my heart, and I can’t sit back.
I begged for someone to assist me to expedite my case but four hours of waiting turned into no minutes on my children’s phone. I wanted to die. I was so devastated. Pain tortured every inch of my soul. What was I to do?? I still had to write the book.
Throughout those 2 weeks, I had to completely stop relying on anything I knew before & reorder my steps. I cried to God to help me. I wrote out my desires, and I began to walk.
As devastating as it seemed, I had to get back up again, my kids needed me & I had to accept the fact that my efforts failed & things weren’t going to work out as planned. While hungry, I wrote a food plan. I also looked at many things I lacked, and my disruptive pattern.
I created a new shopping guide.
- Mon.-Fri. Schedule
- Sat.-Sun. Meals
I learned about pre-prepping breakfast, snack packs, lunch, and dinner styles, and found new ideas in magazines.
I wrote until I had a new plan in full detail sketched out and ready to be utilized.
We didn’t eat much that day, but tomorrow would be new.
I asked for a ride from someone I didn’t normally speak too. She needed gas, & I had a gallon for her, but the other $7, I needed because it was all I had for food. I told her this and she assisted me. I got $20 from her and the plan began.
- I bought leg quarters 4.68
- Bottle water 2pks 2.00
- Oatmeal cookies 1.00
- Banana nut muffins 1.00
- Bread (Whole wheat 2) 1.34/1.00
- Green beans 1.00
- Noodles 1.24
- Sandwich bags 1.64
- 2 Hawaiian punch packs for bottle water 2.00
- Bananas .52lb
- Mashed Potatoes 1.00
- Tissue .68
- Vegetable Oil 1.00
- Pickles 1.00
- Cranberry juice 1.00
- Containers 1.00
I shopped at Walmart & Dollar Tree.
- I made muffins and banana slices for my breakfast. Pre-prepped for the week. Cran-Apple Juice
- Pre-prepped lunch pks: cookie, pickle, bottle water, peanut butter & jelly sandwich (that I already had), half a banana (my kid’s lunch)
- Dinner (leg quarters, mashed potatoes, green beans, whole wheat bread, water)
I changed my place of employment.
- I had already became certified and went through the process of working w/ UHC as an outside agent. Even though the income will not be seen until next year, I had to face my fears. I started riding w/ the individual I worked w/, and I have gotten 2 clients so far. I have enhanced my speaking skills w/ meetings that I hosted in different cities.
- I also faced another fear, where I live is a great paying job, but I didn’t want to apply because of the bridge, that isn’t made for walking, on a busy road, but I was all out of excuses and didn’t care anymore. I walked it and I felt I would pass out but I made it. I talked to the manager, had an interview, and will have a formal one tomorrow.
I lasted a week and broke many habits and curses over my life. My faith began to shift into what I couldn’t see and my actions consisted of, go for it. No matter where I walked, God was there. I never walked that far w/o a ride waiting for me.
I eventually got my check, but no help. I didn’t care and immediately put into action, the same plan that was given and got to increase my children’s snack pack. I was emotionally beat up from the 1st week, but I pushed through.
I continued to work at UHC, meet w/ potential and existing clients. I didn’t stress as much that I wasn’t getting any help, God was right there, and I stayed as close to His word.
- I watched Joel Osteen at 9am on Sunday and Td Jakes at 9:30 on Hillsong
- The Td Jakes bible had an app where I could read the bible w/o internet and I read His word. Psalm 23 & my favorite, Psalm 139. I looked over what was taught.
- I remember learning about being content in all seasons. How Paul had to learn to abide up & down.
- I learned about not being bitter and being kind to others.
I got my phone back on and continued in a developed pattern of reading God’s word and reminding myself.
My word isn’t strong enough. It is being tested, but purified. God’s word is tested and purified. It is certified to accomplish what needs to be done as it is released. I completely stop leaning and depending on what was and decided to move on.
I eventually got assistance again and still follow the same pattern as before. I have been bless to sow seeds and to continue to pay my bills. I have an interview tomorrow at the very place I was afraid to attend and I still work for UHC.
My income life is changing.
Throughout the time I never stopped thinking about Beauty Manifesting. I cried when I snuck to get a glimpse at my sight at the workforce while my phone was off. I didn’t understand how I could be the owner of BM and struggle so bad. It didn’t look like I was even the same person, but I am, and I am here to let you know:
That it doesn’t always work out. The old way of doing things almost destroyed me and the new development is paving the way for transitioning. You can’t give up because life throws a curve ball. You have to push through no matter what, and when you get up, move, do not waste an opportunity to try again. Your inner development is as important, if not more, than your outer.
I am continually walking by faith, and standing on the promises of God. My word is being tested, but I am equipped to be the owner of BM and the author of, The Importance of a Shopping Guide. I have to continue to face my fears because it is apart of my development and trust that, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing.”