Journal entry 30: Today was hair day and I spent most of it watching movies w/ my little girl and taking my hair down. I underestimated how much time it would take to unbraid my hair and get it back to its natural state, but I am finish and now, I have to rebraid it w/ a full weekend ahead of me.

I am to attend the market w/ my cousin and participate in her experience of selling her designs and creations. And, on Sunday, we are to travel to Houston to meet Claire Summers of Fashion Bomb Daily and Ty Hunters. I have followed Fashion Bomb Daily for some years now and am excited to meet the founder that started it all. I wish to hear how she overcame obstacles and stayed the course because….

I cannot deny, I am drowning, not on the surface, but internally. I am trying to hold on to my faith and not let go, but I can’t help but to feel afraid. I had given up on believing I would go anywhere right now, especially pertaining to making a step to succeed in fashion, in my business. I didn’t open my mouth & say, I quit, I just stop asking & trying, then the determination came back for this trip after a while and I dared to ask to be sponsored. I received help & became excited but as soon as I did, doubt came sinking through, ready to drown out any hope that I mustered up to have.

I had been hearing, “Somewhere over the rainbow,” in my head all day but I just kept going on not stopping to ask why, until, tonight. My heart is yearning for more but the pain of asking or going out against a limb is so painful, I remain numb.

I can only hope that I actually go and I am not disappointed. I am going to write out the experience I desire and hopefully, Sunday, I will have a new experience and photos to show. (By the way, Ive never been to Houston.)

I know I will come out of this funk. I just hope it is w/ me believing again.

Not my image

Written by matashaylee

I'm a mom of two, Sean 8 and 1/2 and Amelia 7. I'm from Terrell, TX. I've had a passion for fashion as a little child. It expanded into different areas like styling and design. Sketching was one of the hardest things for me to learn until back in 2011 and I started getting better at it. (It was like it was downloaded into my mind at the perfect time.) I sketched out an entire denim jacket line. (Soon to be made into physical form) I am very spiritual and inspirational due to my journey and awareness of having God in my life, our Greater being, so from time to time I may add an inspirational quote that inspires that moment. Probably my strongest influence in the fashion industry has been through modeling, pursuing modeling and writing. I haven't even scratched the surface of the impact I desire to make in the music, writing and fashion industry. I'm still blossoming. My ultimate goal is bring healing to the part of the world my gifts can impact.

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